A Grief Observed Interpretation

Is there a way to properly summarize C.S. Lewis’ A Grief Observed? In this class we have talked about summary, meaning, and theme. Using what we have discussed, I almost do not want to classify this story in just a few sentences. I feel as though the whole essence of the story will be misinterpreted, or not fully explained. This story is loosely explained as “the passionate result of a brave man turning to face his agony and examine it in order that he might further understand what is required of us living this life in which we have to expect the pain and sorrow of the loss of those whom we love” (pg. XIX). This is generally what it is about, but it cannot fully express the emotion throughout this book.
This story is unlike any other. Even in the introduction we are told that this “is not an ordinary book.” It is not generally about grief and how one should handle it. This is not a book where after reading it one could think, “Okay, now I am equipped with how to handle grief. Let me share it with my friends as an academic tool to process suffering and pain.” Rather, this is one man’s twisted process of his own personal grief. It is a roller coaster of emotions such that what is said next is unexpected. This roller coaster is always intriguing, always exciting. It makes you question whether or not you should have got on it in the first place, and even while you are on it, you have a feeling of wanting to get off. But there is something that holds you in and makes you keep getting on over and over again. It is real.
In saying this story is about grief does not fully grasp the essence of love portrayed. Normally when thinking of love and grief, they do not tie together. But Lewis shows how intricately the two are woven together. What a blessing and gift from God for us to have love. But is it not a curse as well? In loving someone, we ultimately have to lose them. So is it really a gift after all? In the introduction, Lewis’ step-son states, “…all human relationships end in pain—it is the price that our imperfection has allowed Satan to exact from us the privilege of love.” So is this love that we, as humans, are allowed to experience taken away from us in the end by Satan, or by God?
Douglas Gresham states in the introduction, “The greater the love, the greater the grief.” Is all the happiness we may experience during love worth the ultimate grief in the end? Or the grief along the way? We long for a deep, strong love, but we are soon to forget about the grief that shall come in the end.
In writing how he is feeling, Lewis tries to explain how this grief feels. He says that grief is like fear; grief is lazy and lonely, and full of self-pity. He compares going to certain places that remind him of her “like sending a pilot up again as soon as possible after he’s had a crash” (11). Lewis states that his love’s “absence is like the sky, spread over everything” (11). He uses terms “empty house”, “like a clown”, “a whimpering child”, “like snow-flakes”, “a puppet of which you hold the strings”, and “grip[ping] the arms of the dentist’s chair” to somehow put down in words what he is feeling.


He uses these similes and metaphors, but they almost appear not to fit. It is almost as if words cannot express what he is actually feeling. There is no way even after reading this to understand what Lewis felt, unless we have personally been through this experience ourselves. Even then, too, it could differ. Lewis says, “I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid” (3). It is like he wants there to be other words to explain this fearful-esque pain, but this is the only way he can describe it. It is almost as if someone had said, “I am not hungry, but I have the sensation of being hungry.” See where this is confusing? He takes an entire book just to explain his emotions and write down his thoughts and feelings. How can this story possibly be summarized if Lewis himself cannot even find the right words?
Lewis questions God and his goodness in a way that is almost bittersweet. He describes it in saying, “The conclusion I dread is not ‘So there’s not God after all,’ but ‘So this is what God is really like. Deceive yourself no longer’” (7). It is hard to think about because Lewis believes in God. He does not doubt the existence of God in this book. He appears to doubt God’s intentions. The bitter sweetness is that Lewis knows that everything God does is for the best, but why must He bring pain and grief into it? With all the goodness, there is some pain. Lewis tells of his difficulty grasping this concept.
But is it a concept that can even be grasped? Is there even a specific conclusion that we can come to God’s goodness and grief?
Lewis describes creating an image of his wife in his mind that he fears is different that how she actually was. He uses the image of a puppet to say how our own minds can twist and shape what we want our love to look like, and do (21). He knows this is not fair to his wife for he states, “Ten minutes—ten seconds—of the real H. would correct all this” (20).
Is this what could happen if we spent just ten seconds with God? Do we sometimes shape God into what we want Him to be? Is it possible that maybe, just maybe, we use God as our own puppet? We might be surprised at how God really is after we have spent those few seconds with Him.